Loving a woman who has experienced trauma
Having one’s mind, soul and self-worth stripped, questioning your own sanity and safety. Broken down, all that was left – pain. Yes life has a few guarantees – one of them is the feeling of internal pain. A feeling no drug can dull. Believe me, I’ve searched.
Purposefully drowned when she did not know how to swim, eventually finding her way to safety. Constantly free falling, without allowing herself to break upon impact.
Yes, she survived. But that’s all she really did. It never really goes away does it?
Trauma can be loud, howling nightmares, earth breaking forces, shattering screams. Holding her ears closed doesn’t keep the noises out, as she realizes, they are all internal.
At other times, it comes quietly. It has a sneaky way of creeping up on you.
Feeling like the walls have eyes, the self consciousness when out in public – everyone is staring. The whispers, laying awake telling yourself that you’ll never be whole again. So secret, only you know it’s there. Like a 100,000 piece puzzle, where every piece is the same color. Nobody want’s to put you back together again, how boring right?
Realize this – when you love a girl who has gone through trauma of any kind, you are offering your nursing skills to her, you are offering to bandage her wounds. She is worth it to you, she’s beautiful and you love that. many things may scare YOU, but trauma is NOT one of them.
It’s kind of like restoring a rusty car or broken, neglected house. The framework is good in fact great, but there may be holes, creaks, broken windows. Light filled windows, makings for a beautiful piece of artwork, all waiting for you to start.
Yes, one day she may make a lovely home, but for now, she needs some care to make space for where you both can fit.
Loving a girl with trauma is loving her because she is standing. She may be broken, but she can and will heal with patience and understanding. You don’t win at fixing her, you win at being her support beam day in and day out. Loving her is not simple. She needs commitment.
She is insanely complicated, filled with memories both good and bad. Memories she may wish she had never revisited. She may wake in terror, she may cry uncontrollably. Delicate at times, stubborn at others. Almost unraveling, yet too stubborn to crack. She is special. She is strong, she is brave.
Wanna know the best part about choosing her? When she realized you are offering your all, she will love you back, filled with the same strength it took to swim when she was drowning, to stay whole when she was at breaking point. Showing you her scars, instead of hiding them in shame, she will allow you to hold her anyway.
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