There are some people who are just meant to have a significant other in their lives, and then there are people who simply aren’t. Let’s be real, if you clicked on this article you’re either a) somebody’s girlfriend who’s paranoid about how they are as a bae, b) somebody’s boyfriend who’s confirming how shitty their girlfriend is (don’t worry, no one’s judging) or c) someone who is nobody’s girlfriend at the moment but would like to learn how not to be a shitty one. Regardless of your reasons, you’re looking for answers and luckily we’ve got ’em!
Don’t worry if you do end up being a shitty girlfriend or if your girlfriend is a piece of shit. There’s always room for improvement to change your ways. And if that doesn’t do anything for your relationship then there’s no shame in calling it quits and working on yourself to make yourself less shitty.
Here are a few signs indicating that you are, in fact, a shitty girlfriend and should stick to being single:
1. You are clingy af and never ever leave your man’s side.
It’s normal to be clingy when you’re in a relationship but if you can’t function by yourself without your man by your side the problem isn’t that you’re a shitty girlfriend but you need time on your own being single to learn how to be independent.
2. There are so many trust issues between the two of you when there really shouldn’t be.
If you’ve been dating for more than 10 months and for some reason you still don’t trust your man then there’s definitely a problem. The basic foundation of a healthy relationship is trust and if you don’t at least have that then the whole relationship will crumble sooner or later.
3. His happiness doesn’t bring you happiness.
There’s a saying that the person you love’s pain will half and their happiness will double when they are share both with you. However, it doesn’t work if you’re constantly undermining both his problems and his successes. Being happy for him shows support and if you can’t be happy simply for the fact that he is happy then maybe he isn’t making you happy enough to be happy for him.
4. You hate spending time with his friends and family.
His friends and family are the two closest groups of people to him and whether you accept this or not you will always be #3 to them. That shouldn’t be taken as a bad thing, but if you can’t connect with the two most important group of people in your man’s life then he’ll have to pick between them and you sooner or later and it’s clear who it’ll be… (hint: it won’t be you).
5. Despite being clingy to bae, you’ve considered flirting with someone else.
Guys get a bad rep for being known as perverts and flirts but girls are just as much to blame. Yeah you’re only playing around and flirting, but knowingly leading somebody else on is equivalent to kissing somebody else. After all, you haven’t slept with them yet but you’ve still started something behind your S/O’s back.
6. You get super jealous whenever your man interacts with a female.
Going back again to trust issues, you need to learn to trust your man especially when it comes to him interacting with other females. You can’t keep your man from expanding his social circle and completely shutting him out in a gender bubble where he can only interact with other guys. He’s going to have friends with boobs but that won’t mean that he’s sleeping with them.
7. But when you’re with your friends you constantly check out hot guys and complain about how you wish you were single.
Talk about double standards. If you’re self conscious about your man potentially cheating on him then show him the same courtesy and show him that you’ve got eyes for him and only him. Sure you can’t help that Paolo over there is hot AF but at the end of the day your man is your man that you only have eyes for.
8. You lie to him.
We’re told that lying is a terrible habit but it’s definitely not cool if you’re keeping stuff from him. This also leads back to the whole trust issue.
9. You’ve forgotten why you’re even dating your man in the first place.
If you don’t remember what exactly opened your heart to him in the first place, you need to take a step back and reevaluate if what you initially fell for is the same or if you’re staying because you’re comfortable.
10. You constantly compare your bae with your friends’ baes… to their face.
It’s not cool when your parents compare you to your cousins or your siblings. So what makes it any more acceptable if you’re comparing your BFF’s boyfriend to yours? Yeah sure he got her a $900 necklace but your man’s efforts and love should be evaluated all on its own.
11. Whenever he’s talking to you you never pay attention and refuse to listen.
That’s just rude. If you can’t take the time to listen to him then he shouldn’t have to listen to what you have to say. But obviously that’s what you guys are there for so if nobody’s listening to each other than is this really what you would call ‘relationship goals’?
12. You hold grudges over the most trivial things.
The thing about relationships are that you are going to fight–it’s only natural. That being said, at this stage of the game it’s time to pick your battles and choose what you’re really going to risk your relationship for. If you’re holding a grudge on him because he forgot to put down the toilet seat then you need to reevaluate how much your relationship is worth saving.
13. You’re embarrassed to admit your relationship around other people.
Hey, it was your decision to get into a relationship with your man. Even if you’re perfectly content with him, if you’re afraid to post pictures with him or walk around holding his hand in public then it just shows how much you really want to be with him.
14. You take the sweet gestures he does for you for granted.
He took the time to make you dinner and listen to you complain about Becky from work. The least you can do is take the time to say thank you and repay the favour back to show that you do in fact appreciate his efforts.
15. You’ve forgotten special occasions like his birthday or your anniversaries and it doesn’t phase you.
It’s one thing to forget important dates, but if you show no guilt or simply that you’re not affected by it then there’s a red flag. It may not be as big of a deal to you but showing no interest in these important dates hurt your S/O and demean what he holds important.
16. You boss him around.
The thing about relationships is that you two are equals. There is nobody in charge or nobody in the submissive– you are equals. That being said, there is one thing to be assertive and another thing to boss him around. That makes him feel unappreciated, unimportant and below you which should not be the case in any relationship
17. Your friends don’t like him and you haven’t done anything about it.
Nothing’s going to change the fact that your friends might not like your bae. But at the same time you’ve got to at least try to get them to like each other or stand up for your bae if they talk shit about him to your face. You being the bystander makes you the bully by omission and nobody wants to date a bully.
18. It’s always your way or the highway.
In relationships there always needs to be a middle. If you don’t listen to him and insist on what you think is right then nothing is going to be solved and you just keep yourself ignorant to his needs and wants.
19. You demand to be spoiled but cheap out when it comes to treating him out.
Every girlfriend wants to be treated like a princess, yeah I admit I do too. But it’s another thing to completely expect him to spoil you simply because you are the girl in the relationship. Pay for the bill once in a while and treat him the way he treats you.
20. You never stick to your word.
Is it not the most annoying thing when you make a promise with someone and they never follow through with wha they say? Yes it’s annoying and it’s even more annoying coming from someone who you could potentially spend the rest of your life with. Don’t be an asshole and fulfill one or two of your promises once in a while because, yes, true love is unconditional but true love is also honest and consistent.
21. You’ve cheated on your boyfriend. Period.
Never mind what I’ve said in #5 of list, now you’ve crossed a line. Yes there are times where you give into temptation but remember that thing about trust that’s been mentioned a few times? Yup, whatever trust that was established between the two of you will be lost for awhile. Nobody initially enjoys a cheater, especially when it’s your S/O. I’m not gonna lie, no matter what the circumstances are you kinda look like a piece of shit but hopefully it puts an end to your shitty ways and strengthens your relationship.
It’s gonna take some work, but you’ve made your bed— so it’s time to lay in it sistah.
22. You talk behind your man’s back.
Not gonna lie, sometime’s the bae can be annoying at times. So yeah, it’s normal to dish the dirt with your BFF over what the latest fight was about and some of the stupid things he says. However, it’s one thing to share your problems, it’s another to completely bash your boyfriend by straight up dissing him. If you really loved him like you say you do to him you’d try to have a little respect and keep some of his dirty laundry between the two of you and not with your best friend.
23. One of the reasons you’re dating your man is because of his paycheque.
The thing about using people is that it dehumanizes the person being used. This guy might really, really like you but little does he know that you don’t see him for what he is– you see him as a bank. If that doesn’t say shitty girlfriend to you, then I don’t know what will.
24. You’re always keeping tabs on favours.
Everyone thinks that relationship is give & take. To some extent it’s true but at the same time it really isn’t. The theory of give and take kind of works on the theory that one person from the party is to give the equal amount of what was taken. The thing about relationships is that both of you work in harmony to help each other grow in life. Cutting all the sappy info out, what I’m basically saying is that there is no 50/50 in a relationship.
Both of you give to one another because you genuinely care and want to help make life easier for the other person. If you decide to keep track of who does what for the other person, it takes away from the genuine intention of being in a relationship.
25. You don’t know what you want.
This is pretty normal, especially with millennials slowly starting to get their shit together. Not knowing what you want is a normal part of life. That being said sometimes we don’t know what we want whether we want pizza or pasta, to watch a movie or go out for a walk, to nurture a real relationship or play some games to keep you occupied.
People often walk into relationships thinking that they can handle the full commitment of it all but sometimes people aren’t always ready and realize that they have other goals and intentions to pursue. Other times, people realize that they can’t handle a long term relationship and that they want to have ‘fun’ with different people before settling down.
Okay, so maybe this doesn’t make you a shitty girlfriend but if this does in fact relate to your situation then I think it’s best step away from a relationship for now and completely figure out what you want.
26. You treat others like crap..including him.
What can I say, shitty girlfriends who treat their S/Os like crap are often shitty people who treat other people like crap. The first step to treating your boyfriend with the right care and nurturing is to treat other people with a basic sense of respect and kindness. It’s corny but it’s true. If you’re a bully to others, you’re most probably a bully to him too. And nobody want to stay in a relationship with a bully… or a shitty girlfriend.