I forgive you but I’m not going to forget what you have done
No. “Forgive and forget” just doesn’t apply to this situation. Yes, I am very much willing to forgive you. I am not going to let my heart go dark in ruins by allowing it to get bogged down by hatred for you. So I’m just going to go ahead and forgive you for what you did to me. But don’t you dare think that I’m going to forget about what you did.
You hurt me like no one else throughout the course of my life has been able to. I have never experienced that level of pain at the hands of another person before. Sure, a lot of people have gotten hurt in the past. And a lot of people have learned to just forget about the hurt that they endure. But then again, there are some very special cases where forgetting is just out of the question.
This is one of those times. There is no conceivable way for me to be able to just forget about the pain that you have brought into my life. Yes, it took me a very long time to come to terms with my forgiving you, but it is highly doubtful that I could ever bring myself to just forget about you and what you did. That’s just something that is never going to happen.
It wasn’t even that long ago. This happened in fairly recent history. You betrayed me and the feeling of betrayal is still fresh in my heart; it still resonates in my soul. There are days where I find myself being bogged down by my own emotions. There are nights where I can’t help but have tears fall down my face. I just don’t know what to do whenever these moments come. I feel an immense anger towards you; towards the world; I feel an immense anger at myself for not knowing what to do and for allowing myself to be put into that position in the first place.
That anger slowly dissipated over time, but it’s still there. That is why it took me so long to actually forgive you. The rage and the anger that was being stroked within me just didn’t allow for me to get over the issue.
But you know the worst part about this entire process of betrayal? It’s that I didn’t see it coming. The worst part is that you promised me you would never do to me all of the things that you ended up doing.
You promised me that you would never put me in a position to hate you and be upset at you. You lied. And knowing that now just upsets me even more. But again, I forgive you for that. However, I’m not going to forget about it so easily.
I opened my heart and my soul to you. I trusted you with the entirety of my being. I practically threw myself at you in the hopes that you would catch me and never let me go. For a while, you were everything I had ever dreamed of in a guy. You just fed into all of my beliefs about the ideal love and the perfect romance. You accepted all of my flaws and all of my vulnerabilities. You made me feel like my imperfections were vital assets of my life and that I should never have been afraid of them. You maneuvered your way into my heart with such skill and precision; I never would have thought that you would end up doing what you did.
In the end, you just brought all of my flaws and vulnerabilities out into the open for all the world to see. In the end, you highlighted my imperfections to the point where it was even difficult for me to just love myself again. In the end, you ripped my heart to shred from the inside and here I am still trying to pick up the pieces long after you’ve been gone. So please don’t think that this is something that I’m just going to forget about. It was difficult enough to forgive. It’s virtually impossible to forget.